Recently I was looking over the story of Jesus washing the feet of his friends and followers (John 13).  I had put it aside since we started hosting these monthly basic-care foot clinics in Uptown in November.  I truly feel a lot of people who use this story in scripture to motivate their acts of service as well as organizations motivating volunteers, have adopted a perverted understanding of what Jesus was trying to say.  This has led me to prefer to talk about the town whore who was so grateful for Jesus' acceptance that she humiliated herself when I train our volunteers for Sole Care.  Plus it's way more fun to say, "you're not Jesus, you're the town harlot".

As I got up the guts to reexamine this story, I was actually encouraged.  There is great hope if we can stomach what is really going on.  To be honest, after this weekend's Sole Care, I'm not sure I can fully stomach what Jesus did.  It's pretty simple actually.  

But first, let me paint a raw depiction of how I think we have allowed this story to be twisted and used as means to objectify both the poor and vulnerable as well as the rich and vulnerable to make successful service projects, to write great blogs, to take powerful photos and ultimately to build successful organizations that profit from it all.

Jesus: "I realize your feet are caked with dirt and dung from following me on foot mile after after mile over the last 3 years.  I know your callouses are thick from the journey.  I realize your scrapes and bruises might be tender.  But don't worry - I won't scrub too hard!  In fact, I'm just gonna drizzle this water and try to stay away from the real dirty parts - after all, I've just go this one towel for everyone and I don't want to get it too dirty.

Do you see what I am doing here?  Let me explain.  You are lowly, helpless and basically pathetic.  And me?  Well, I am God.  I'm setting this example so you will go and be like me.  Go to those you think are below you, that you think are in need of your help and assistance and make sure they know what a big deal it is that you are humbling yourself to help them.  Then help them in the most ceremonial way you can imagine (use candles and music if you can - oh and make sure to take LOTS of pictures!) but try not to go overboard.  Keep it simple and basic, I don't expect you to solve any problems, just to feel good at the end of the day! Be careful not to make too much eye contact or ask too many questions.  The people you are serving don't need that, just wash their feet and move on.  There's a lot of feet out there that need washing!  This is what it means to follow me."

I realize that's a little dramatized, but I challenge you to really measure your heart and your experiences beside it.  I know even as I type this I'm convicted that I'm not doing enough to protect my friends from being objectified as I build this non-profit that will enable me us to make a tremendous impact in their lives.  I'm also in danger of objectifying potential donors and volunteers.  Manipulation and objectifying each other makes us successful.

As I tried to look at this story with new eyes, influenced by the hundreds of feet I have witnessed scrubbed and cared for month after month, I saw something very different:

Imagine this, Jesus is sitting at dinner with his friends and followers.  He looks around the table, looks in each of their faces, remembering so many things from the last 3 years they had spent together, filled with so many emotions as he looked at each of them, from Peter to Judas.

He sure had invested a lot in these guys.  They had been through a lot together, and Jesus knew this was just the beginning for them, but in order to continue He would have to leave them.  Yikes.  They aren't ready.  They don't get it yet.  They are still asking stupid questions and most of them won't make it through the next 24 hours without some serious doubting and betrayal.

It's time for one last object lesson!  Maybe the light will finally go off for some of them!

Jesus realizes they are all sitting there with caked on dirt and dung from their day clinging to their feet.  For some reason the servants in that house hadn't washed their feet like they normally do.  Perfect!

Jesus grabs the wash basin and towel that everyone had seen sitting unused but chose to ignore since there was no one to facilitate the cleansing.  Jesus rolls up his sleeves and gets to work!  Here's what I imagine Jesus' inner monolog was like:

"PHEW!  John must have stepped into something REAL special!  Andrew's bunion is so bad it almost looks like he's growing a new big toe! Oh my! Bartholomew I didn't realize you were so ticklish!  Oh Philip.... that cut looks deep... I need to be really gentle as I scrub around there.  Peter... when will you understand? This is not a game that you win it's a lifestyle you choose. Peter, I'm fighting for you because I believe in you. You will get this one day! Judas.... dear Judas.... I know what you are about to do, but you are still a human created in the image of my Father.  Yes, I will dignify you by scrubbing between your toes, in fact, I'm gonna sneak in a little extra massage strokes because I do love you my friend. I do. I wish it didn't have to be like this."

I have no idea what Jesus was thinking as he was washing their feet that night, but I do know his point was this:

"Do not think you are ever above doing what needs to be done.  You will have power and influence in this world because of me, but if you get to the point where you think you are too good to clean up the mess, lend the hand, go the extra mile, dig a little deeper or contribute to the need - you don't get it.  But if you DO get this.... you will revolutionize the world."

                         ________________________________________________________________

Yesterday we hosted the 6th monthly Uptown Sole Care where we provide basic foot-care to the community.  Most of our guests are homeless but many are housed in government facilities.  Some are service providers excited to feel rewarded for the hard work of managing shelters, doing security or preaching.  All come a little timid and leave with a smile on their face and joy in their hearts.

I hit a personal milestone with Sole Care yesterday.  Since our first Sole Care, I do not think I have washed a foot.  It became clear early on that we needed managerial skills to keep things organized and our guests feel like guests and not like objects.  So, I have enjoyed my role of manager and host!

Yesterday we were really low on volunteers; we were about half-staffed.  Near the end of the day I went ahead and took a guest, a friend of mine that I knew pretty well.  I won't get detailed, but let me say that I left that experience horrified.

Feet are disgusting.  Uptown Sole Care is disgusting.  It's down right horrific.  This is not some pansy opportunity to be like Jesus and sprinkle some water ceremonially on some feet and pat them dry.

Sole Care is also not a foot clinic.  The problems we see we are mostly powerless to fix.  We have a medical professional on hand to give some advice and refer serious problems to the appropriate care provider - but we just do basic care.  Soak, scrub, massage, clip, moisturize and paint!  That's it!

This act of dignity restoration is nasty.  But it is beautiful.  It's profound.  It's painful.  It changes us who take part.  All of us.  Givers and receivers.  It is an honor to be entrusted with someone's feet - these are intimate encounters.  Intimacy transforms us.

I cannot express the pride and awe I was filled with as I stood back after finishing the feet of my friend and took in what we've been doing for MONTHS.

This is a big deal.  Not because we are some super spiritual, Mother Terressa types that should be glorified and celebrated.  But because the trash is being taken out, the toilet is being plunged, the floor is being mopped, the unsexy and practical care of the poor is being facilitated. 

It is dignifying us all.

As I was typing this, this song came on Pandora and I wanted to share the lyrics in closing.  It fits. Painfully.

I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands
you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands

Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around

give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show

Yesterday I spent the greater part of the day reflecting on the past 2.5 years.

I'm finding myself at possibly the greatest crossroads yet.  Before I make that big leap forward, I wanted to look over the past few years and see the themes that emerge. It's important in confirming that I am about to leap in the right direction.  If you read, I would be interested to hear what themes you hear and observe in these little snippets!

July 19, 2008
So I suppose my point is – instead of longing for some “big” ministry opportunity one day … to “go” and find the hurting and needy in some distant land – I’m choosing to open my eyes to the neglected, abandoned right here in the million-dollar homes I have been blessed to enter.
I am learning a valuable lesson through all of this that I will carry with me forever. It is not my job to play Savior. I cannot save all of the orphans. I CAN love those who are in my path today. If I feel that it is my job to accomplish some big task that you can measure and take inventory of – I am off and my pride will cripple me. I am learning that my only responsibility is to faithfully be Jesus today – in each and every life I come in contact with. Oh – and yeah, I fail miserably. But it’s awesome to be coming aware.
...
Right before I left – I shared a vision I had for a ministry to homeless with Paul – and he shot me down! I was so grateful because that’s exactly what I wanted! I wanted my idealism to be shot through with realism so that I could continue to dream with a more balanced perspective!
I have a friend who thinks this job was “below” me. He thinks it wont fulfill my “high calling” or something stupid like that.
He’s wrong.
The few days that I spent cooking for Edith, Barb, Gracie, Leonard and Paul were some of the most ministry-packed days I’ve had in years.
If I EVER think I am below preparing a meal and sitting around afterwards sharing life’s hurts, losses and joys with people who are losing their minds – I do not know Love.

July 29, 2008
I just want to BE somewhere. It doesn’t have to be overseas. I just want to BE somewhere. To Belong. I belong nowhere… and while it’s building character… it’s also getting old.
According to Oswald Chambers…. the fact that I’m still dreaming about going overseas shows how much my pride is still in control. Humility is concerned about today…. not because today leads to tomorrow…. but because today is today.

August 20, 2008
It is a time to stand back, as a willing and desirably empty vessel, and watch God do His thing… whether that is in a local church ministry… on a college campus… in a suburban home…. on a bike path…. or, most likely…. in the life of a woman plagued by pride and desiring death. I am the subject of God’s work in my life… I know that sounds prideful… but until I am dead, my fruit will continue to be just that – mine. My desire is that the only fruit to be produced in my life with be straight off the Vine…. and for that to happen I have a life of pruning ahead of me…. painful, gut-wrenching, flesh-tearing pruning.
So Lord, don’t put down those sheers…. keep it coming…. along with a steady flow of grace and compassion…. rip it all away… piece by piece… uncover Yourself as You designed your creation to be. Today on the way to tomorrow.

Nov 18 2008
(Taken from a post written by Nathan Meno after his first visit to the Union Station community)

What struck me was the personal manner in which we spoke with our new friends. We called them by name. For a moment in time, they weren’t known as the homeless people, or the less fortunate…they were known by the first name they were given. That’s an amazing attribute of love. Calling somebody by their first name.

JJ’s Story of Poppy
(Taken from JJ Barrow's experiences at Union Station)

“POPPY! WAIT!”
At this point he was almost bent over crying, but he just kept walking. So I yelled again, “POPPY!” He finally stopped, and I ran up from behind him, swung my arms around him, and just hugged him… tight.
I held him in my arms and he just balled. The more he cried the tighter I held him. I kept whispering in his ear that he was beautiful.
This grown man has his head buried in my shoulder, balling, and I just remind him again and again that he is loved.
His crying started to slow down, and I heard him whisper “thank you! I needed this! Boy I really needed this. Thank you!”

June 9, 2009
Events like this BBQ and the infamous Birthday party (nearly nine months ago!!) serve to bring people together that do not naturally relate to each other. Through grilling out, playing bag-o and hill-billy golf, defenses fall, demographics are laid aside. But – the real work will be done next week, and the week after that, and the weeks and months after that. Throwing a party ignites the opportunity for life-transformation through relationship. It is NOW up to us – will we really allow these new friends into our lives on a consistent basis? Will they allow us into their lives if we don’t have a cook-out to offer? The reality is that some wont. Some can’t yet. Some never will. But for those of us who have been doing this for 9 months now – next week holds more anticipation than this past week. Next week when the party is a great memory – the life-investment begins.
I could write a book about this next phase of community development. It hurts – it’s scary – it’s confusing – and it changes the core of you! It’s at this level that you rejoice and grieve with Miguel as he goes home to CA. It’s here that the loss of Monroe makes you unable to get out of bed for a day or two. It’s here that wondering where Al has been gnaws on your heart week after week after week. It’s here that LOVE connects your fibers to the fibers of men and women that you previously felt no ability to relate to.
This is not a service project – this is a lifestyle. And it’s transforming two communities and creating another one!

August 3, 2009
UpTown. Lord, you granted us intense favor and permission. We have no idea how to steward the amazing gifts You continue to lavish on us….. so…. again…. we hand them back to you. The $500, the key. The relationship with Pete and Tobias. Carol’s boat and Kari’s family. We hand back the favor and the relational permission. We surrender the trust and the respect. We bow Lord, honestly and humbly before You. You are the Lord. We submit to that. Through Your Lordship, use us… however you like. If that’s to preach, Your words. If to love, your embrace. If to listen, your attention. If to guide, your wisdom. If to heal, your touch. If to bind up, your salve. If to break down, your chisel. If to unify, your Spirit.
All I know to do is to bow my head. I can’t do this. I can’t lead this. I’m not creative or energized. I’m not wise or street smart. I can’t sift through the decades of relational mess we’re walking into. I can’t fight the government. I can’t battle theology with Universalists.
But I can bow. I can submit. I can surrender and open my grip. I can pry my fingers off the steering wheel. I can relax in the Holy Spirit Vortex that has taken us to UpTown and will guide us through ALL of the days ahead.

August 8, 2009
I don’t want a man to marry me because I can cook good meals or entertain guests well. I want a man to marry me because his skin itches for me! I don’t want to settle for a man who will provide for me and treat me well. I want a man whose very fiber I long for.
When we approach Jesus like he’s a “good catch” rather than the very substance of our being – we are settling for a life of blessing – and missing a life of filling.
I am not suggesting that making our relationship with God our priority wont make us better leaders – it will! But if that is why I am making God my top priority – I am deceived. Leadership is my top priority. Pride is my motivator.
Can I come to the Lord out of pride? Can I really meet with a transforming God when my motive is for my “role” as a leader?
YES – Leaders have HUGE responsibility to keep their hearts before the Lord – to remain pure and sober-minded. YES! BUT – if God has called you to Lead – He intends to lead THROUGH you – and He cannot lead through an unyielding vessel. He can pat you on the head and give His blessing to you out of His mercy and grace – but you wont be used to set the Israelites free. YOu might run a successful ministry, you might get to speak @ The Leadership Summit, you might publish books and you might become world-renown. But you WONT set the Israelites free. You won’t part the Red Sea. You won’t DARE approach the thundering mountain to bring the word of God to His people. But you will settle for the pat on the head and the blessing – and you will very likely create your kingdom in His name.
Let God use the gift He gave you – don’t use it for Him. He doesn’t need you to. It’s His. Let it go. Let Him transform You into Him.

Oct 13, 2009
Watching Terry from a distance that day, eating pie with dozens of others barely registered on my radar. I feel like I should have some significant feeling or frustration but I don’t. Terry needed medical help. Terry needed friends on his birthday. Terry needed to celebrate his life. Check, Check and Check. He has to make his own choices. My goal for Terry isn’t that he gets clean. It’s not that he gets off the street. I don’t even know if going home to his mom is a good idea. All I do know is I desire Terry to know Jesus. The Holy Spirit is alive and active people!!! We don’t have to do His work! If we are Jesus to people – His Spirit will MOVE them! His Spirit will KNAW at their hearts! His Spirit will compel them to submit and surrender. It is my job to preach Jesus – the hope and promise we have through the death and resurrection of Christ and the personal identification we as Christ-followers make with that in our own lives. THAT is what we do in Chicago.

Nov 8 2009
I am so often brought back to our dear Adam Jordan who we loved and visited for nearly a year in a nursing facility. There were times we thought Adam understood we were there – times we thought he was communicating with us. But ultimately, Adam had suffered severe brain damage. It wasn’t up to us to logically communicate the Gospel to Adam – it was our job to LIVE the Gospel and allow the Spirit room to minister to the heart and soul of Adam.

Dec 21 2009
As we were getting up to go out for a smoke Lorraine said something about me trying to convert her! I genuinely laughed at that one! I hadn’t said one thing about Jesus or faith or anything! Praise the Lord that His Holy Spirit is at work before, during and after we step on the scene of someone’s life!
One last thing Lorraine said to me – as I began to walk her to her train, her son Chris out of ear shot for the first time and she said, “this breaks my heart. I want him to get out of here.”
It’s an honor to hear the heart of this mother. It’s not pretty, and I want to “fix” it for her. I can’t fix it, but I can listen to her broken heart. I can hold her hand and hug her shoulders. If even for 30 minutes on a Sunday afternoon in the Great Hall of Union Station.

Jan 4 2010
What I ended up saying to her was this; “Thanks. I hope people are encouraged to fall on their faces before God because that’s all I know to do.”
It dawned on me. I don’t want to inspire people to love the homeless. I don’t want to inspire them to good works. I don’t want to inspire people to read every Henri Nouwen book written or to read Oswald Chambers every day.
I want to inspire people to Fall on their Faces before Jesus Christ and cry out for His mercy and salvation
It is ONLY through the falling, kneeling, crying, sobbing, speaking boldly – that Jesus has manifested fruit in this life. It’s a daily fight and I charge you as Paul charged Timothy – Pursue your Lord with all you have in you – Fight as if it’s the only means to survival – because, indeed, it is.

April 11 2010
He then kinda looked up at me from his stooped position and said in such a gentle way I had to think a second before I understood: “I thought it was quiet when the kids moved out.”
Oh Mr. Bill.
I asked; “Have you been hugged today?”
He looked at me a little intrigued and answered; “yeah, I’ve had a few.”
“Well, would you like another one?” I asked a bit timidly.
“Sure” he agreed.
When I hug someone – I hug them. Rarely do I causally hug someone. Hugs are meant to heal I think. So I try to allow myself to be fully present when I hug.
As I wrapped this elderly widower in my arms I held him for a few seconds. As we embraced he said; “People don’t realize how this helps.”
...
My fringe has a fringe.
When we go to the margins – to the fringes of society – we simply create new fringes.
It’s not about the freaks; the social outcasts. It’s about the Imago Dei. The image of God stamped on the broken and abused bodies of everyone.
Everyone.
(disclaimer – 99% of the time I pass right by opportunities to hug people like Mr. Bill. But that doesn’t and won’t keep me from standing firm that we are called to SEE each other. All of us. Everyone.)

April 11, 2010
Wednesday I discovered I’d overdrawn my checking account 3 times in one week.
Oops.
Then Thursday – one spot on the team I’d hoped for was given to someone else.
Then Friday – another spot on the team I’d hoped for was given to another.
So Saturday came. Micheal Frost spoke at Forge (so did some other awesome people – and it was all very very good). Something about what he was saying revived the missionary in me. Revived the faithful, reckless, unafraid, willing to do whatever it takes for Jesus – Sher. I felt like I was at a revival. Experiencing the Joy – not of my salvation – but of my commission.
I was crying. Because I love mission. I love people. I LOVE that God is bigger than bills and expectations and cultural norms for a 28 yr old girl.

This morning as we finished up worship at the local community church I attend while COMMUNITY Lincoln Square is percolating - preparing to launch in March, I began to understand this was going to be a unique day in Uptown.  It wasn't long before I began to squirm and I began to experience "indigestion of the heart" - something I suffer from often.

Today, this local church in Uptown decided to march against the violence experienced on the corners by the church in the last week - specifically called to action by a murder that took place at 1 in the afternoon on Wednesday of this last week - witnessed by the staff that happened to be on their way to lunch.

There were so many difficult thoughts bouncing around in my head and heart as I listened to the pastor call his congregation to action; call them to fight against the evil in the community; reminding them of God's wrath on the evil and His hate of murder and violence.  Of the many thoughts I struggled with, this was the dominant one:

"How do we condemn the murder on our streets if our hearts are just as guilty of murder and we have unrepentant anger and hatred rampant in the Body of Christ?"

The pastor used a LOT of Scriptures today to rally the troops around.  Lots of focus on God's hate for evil and violence.  There were moments when we were reminded that we must humble ourselves to escape evil ourselves.  There were moments when we were reminded that God wants to redeem gang members' lives.  But the primary message was one of taking a stand against evil in our community and reclaiming the streets.

The following Scripture was all I could think of because it provides an equation for action that sits much better with my spirit than waving flags and marching around the neighborhood as a first step in leading the Body of Christ in action.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 15 Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place."

It is not that I did not want to march with the hundreds of believers taking banners of peace and placards that read "Jesus Loves Gang Members" - I sure did.  I LOVE that sign!  I wanted to join the community, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Remember the indigestion I mentioned earlier?  It wasn't that I felt it would be wrong to join them, but I didn't feel like my heart was fully committed to the purpose and in all honesty - I am sure the state of my heart prevented me from being used by God as a vessel in that situation.

But that's why I'm blogging.  I hope to work through some of these thoughts to better understand what was keeping me from joining so that in the future I don't have to be hindered by that indigestion that conflicting thoughts produce in my heart.

Back to that Scripture.

I really think this equation would produce the harvest we dream of - but I also think the equation is not popular and would not be easy to rally a fraction of the people around as a march around the community does.  Posters and flags get attention - media attention.  Men and women prostrating themselves before God rarely draws the cameras and newspapers.

The equation begins with the people of God repenting of their sin and seeking God.  If we as followers of Jesus are willing to lead with humility and the reality that WE are just as guilty as the men and women perpetrating the bloodshed in our community - I am CONFIDENT that a Spiritual force of healing that we cannot contain will rip through our community.

But who wants to admit they are just as evil as a gang member heartlessly taking the life of another human in broad day-light as he walks a few paces from a mother and child.  Who wants to look into their own souls and wage war with the Evil that seeks to destroy them before dealing with the war that seeks to destroy others.  Who is willing to lead a community in repentance and submission to the Holy Spirit?  Who?  THAT is the kind of men and women God is looking for in Uptown.  It's not the men and women who will fight FOR God - but the men and women who will surrender to death - who will let the eyes of Christ penetrate the darkest parts of their souls and deliver them from the hand of the Enemy - THEN return them to their communities as vessels of reconciliation.

I cannot tell a gang-member that their is HOPE in Jesus, if I cannot admit that I am as unworthy of Christ as he is.  I cannot communicate to a woman who has given her body to hundreds of men to support an addiction the love and compassion and healing power of Christ if I cannot look her in the eye as an equal - as a woman of ill-repute myself.

I am.

I have killed.  Hundreds of times.  Some people I have killed over and over and over and over.

I have committed adultery. Hundreds of times.  My wickedness is just as vast as the love of God is.

I have numbed out with my drugs of choice over and over and over.  Being addicted to Facebook, TV, Movies, Shopping, Mom's cooking, working out.  Using those things to coat my senses with layers of death.

So have you.

We talk about God's love being endless - but do we realize the endless potential within us to reject that love?  To mock that love?  To pervert that love?

So.  What am I saying?  I'm saying I missed an awesome opportunity to join my community in standing as a light.  I honestly wish I was more mature than that.

But this post outlines the battle within my heart as I seek to fully comprehend what it means to be a follower of Jesus in Uptown - and how best to stand out as a leader.  Leading is a responsibility that strikes fear deep in my heart and cripples me often by it's weight.

The monthly memory verse at the church I worshiped with this morning is exactly the summary of how I desire to move forward as a woman of God in Uptown:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Nov. 24th, 2010 we held the first Uptown Sole Care at The People’s Church.  We planned to hold this foot care clinic simultaneously with the annual Thanksgiving Feast provided by my friend Roger.  The idea was, if we hold the clinic in plain view of 300 members of Uptown’s most marginalized community – we will have greater success in following months as people will have an understanding of what we are doing and can feel comfortable to come see us, or invite their friends who might have need.

I have no way of getting an accurate count, but I think we were able to care for about 50-60 people!  However, visually, we reached all 300!  We cannot wait to plan next month’s clinic having learned a tremendous amount from this experience.  Our dream is to provide professional care through the winter months to help this community stay on their feet.

The best part of the day wasn’t necessarily the foot care clinic itself, but the impact that it had on the whole community – especially the other ministers.  There were three men who came to help with music and foot-care from Uptown Baptist – another one showed up right after we’d left.  The ministers from The People’s Church were present and simply glowing with joy that we were able to use their facility in such a loving way.  The pianist from The People’s Church and a few musicians from Uptown Baptist gathered around the piano and worked together to bring songs of gratitude to the community waiting for their meal.

Also, about 9 folks from COMMUNITY were present to help – some from Naperville, some from Chicago; not to mention most of the supplies we gathered were donated by COMMUNITY folks.  In fact, one of the greatest ways God challenged me in the planning of this event was in my comfort in asking for help.  It is not natural for me to ask people for resources, but due to the situation, I had to, and I actually found joy in being able to invite folks who could not physically help to participate through donating funds and resources.  This is a skill I MUST develop – but up until now I have very little joy-filled experience in.

Now, back to those who were physically present:

Let me summarize: A Unitarian church hosted an event put on by a non-denominational group with the help of some Southern Baptists (including one guy on staff with Navigators)!

Please, if that does not make sense, search these terms on Wikipedia: Unitarian, non-denominational, and Southern Baptist.

There are some significant differences among these three groups – especially when it comes to what those in leadership hold to – and each group was represented by their leaders.

THIS gives me GREAT hope  and inspires vision for Uptown.

The needs of this community cannot be addressed through a spirit of competition and they cannot be handled in isolation.

I have been praying for months; “God, where is my team? WHERE is my team?”  I’m beginning to get glimmers of His vast vision for this community and for what it really means to have “a team.”

I don’t think that the foot clinics are the secret to seeing the ministers in Uptown working together – but I do believe this one was key to breaking down barriers and building trust and respect amongst faith communities seeking to love this very diverse community.

My next step might be to get these leaders together to brainstorm ways we can work together to see some real community transformation happen in Uptown!

I will end with something to chew on: So far I am the only minister who actually lives in Uptown.  Just something to chew on.  I will keep my eyes and heart open for the men and women in this community waiting to be activated to live lives on mission in this community as well as for those who already are living on mission in Uptown and I have not yet met.

For Thanksgiving this year, my new friend Jaime and I planned, organized and executed the first ever Community Foot Care Clinic in Uptown.  Through the generosity of dozens of volunteers and donors, we were able to gather all the supplies necessary within a week!  Seriously - one week! 

One of the coolest stories that came out of gathering the supplies came from a friend of mine who lives in Romeoville.  This friend saw that I had a need for supplies - immediately began to gather what she could and enlist her facebook friends and small group to help her.  One of her friends from high school whom she hasn't seen in years - responded enthusiastically and these two old friends reunited over socks and hand sanitizer!

Another generous friend enlisted her co-workers to gather a hundred pair of socks!  And another contributor went to Costco, got a membership, and bought another 80 pair of socks!

Unbelievable, spontaneous generosity!

I knew I did not have the $ to get supplies.  Having an accident two weeks ago putting me into debt, I had no other choice but to call up friends and supports and ask for help.  I learned through this that people really DO want to help - they DO want to give - They do want to be apart of things, even if they cannot physically attend themselves!  I hope I have become a more bold and visionary "asker" through this!

So! Jaime and I have developed a fabulous partnership in dreaming for the loving care of this community.  Jaime's passion for physically hurting people and my access to hundreds of them SMASHED into a really exciting vision for the next several months!

Our first Foot Care Clinic was a HUGE learning experience.  Each time Jaime and I met or talked on the phone, we would laugh at the veil of the unknown that stood between us and the event we were planning.  We really had no idea what to expect!  Knowing that God would communicate His vision for the combination of our gifts through stepping out in faith - neither of us was afraid of failure.  In fact, it was hard to imagine failure when we knew we were doing the right thing and following God.

Both of us were also experiencing painful attacks, spiritually and physically as we prepared for the event.  It was a huge comfort to have a friend and partner to fight together the many things the enemy tried to use to sabotage this event.  The stronger the attack, the greater the assurance that God was up to something.  The anticipation was tremendous leading up to Wednesday morning!

Jaime and I along with our volunteers took the day as it came at us - shifting and accommodating, submitting our ideals and doing what was necessary to keep going!

The biggest win - men and women sat for 10-20 minutes with an attentive care-giver soaking their feet, scrubbing off dirt and treating infection.  Each foot-care giver was nervous, but pushed through that nervousness and truly engaged the lives of the men and women they were caring for.  It was beautiful to watch the connections happening - the ways people would open up as they relaxed their feet in a warm tub of soapy water.

Jaime would tell you that one of the biggest things she experienced during the clinic, as the nurse on hand, was all sorts of questions!  Many people who did not get their feet cared for still came up to ask her questions about foot care.  This is very encouraging as we prepare to hold the 2nd Foot Care Clinic right around Christmas. We anticipate many more volunteers and a much more efficient system to provide less distracted care.

As we look towards that event, we are hoping to find more medical volunteers able to help Jaime with the kind of care the other volunteers cannot address.  We anticipate as the winter progresses, the foot issues will increase and the need for medical care will be more prevalent.  We will also need more Lotramine, clippers, and willing, loving hands to help out!  If you are interested in helping in any way this winter - please send me a message and I will gladly engage you in this project!

The idea of caring for the feet in this community thrills me.  In Uptown, feet are very possibly the most vulnerable part of a person's body during the winter.  And honestly it takes a little effort, a little planning and a lot of love to pull off an event that can DEEPLY impact a community desperate for basic care.

Thank you to all of those who jumped in to make this happen!  There were dozens of people I have never met that bought socks, wash clothes, hand sanitizer and other items!  Small groups gathered around this and friends supported friends with child-care and encouragement to make an impact in Uptown!

Thank you to those who prayed and sent encouraging messages to Jaime and I as we planned, prepared and fought personal battles to make this thing happen.  Thank you for knowing the most important work to be done in not visible - and for contributing in that way.

Thank you God for bringing me to this community 6 months ago, for the random connection with Jaime and the timing of Thanksgiving!  Thank you, Lord that you have men and women dedicated to this community and that You are on the move in Uptown.  I want to continue to follow Your lead.  So... Lead on!

I woke up this morning to a lovely thunderstorm!  I had "conversations about Jesus" at 9, so I bundled up and walked 10 min in the rain what is usually a 3 minute bike ride.  Blah!

After a short time with John - the only one who showed up - I jumped on a bus to locate the office where I had a 10am appointment to see if I qualify for food stamps.

I'm not dyslexic, but I told the bus driver I was looking for 2121 W. Lawrence - when really I was looking for 2112.  I got off the bus at 10:07 and walked into 2121 - a government building that handles social security and other things.  I was a little confused during the 30 minutes I waited for my # to be called and during that time I realized I hadn't even brought my photo ID!  Argh!  The lady in the window didn't care I didn't have my ID - she just looked at me like I was stupid - my appointment was down the block.

So down the block I head.  For the second time I take a number and sit in a waiting area with men and women from my community.  Eventually I'm called and I go back to meet with my case worker (I guess that's what he's called?) in his cubical.  I was very curious about this slice of American life I have never experienced and tried to pay attention to everything.  I can only imagine how much of life for someone who is "poor" is spent waiting in holding tanks - on hard plastic chairs.

My "case worker" was a precious hispanic man in his 40's.  As we went over my case together he asked some specific questions about what I do and what kind of "ministry" I do.  So I finally explained specifically what I do.  "Well, honestly sir, I eat at soup kitchens and play cards at a shelter.  I just spend time in the community."  He looked at me as that style of "ministry" produced a picture in his mind.  Then he said "wow... well ya know, actually, what you are doing is really.... well it's really a lot like what Jesus did!  He ate with the sinners and spent time with the prostitutes!"

As I left his cubical we shook hands and he said; "Don't faint."

Isaiah 40:30-31


"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

That man nor I knew that a few hours later I would grow faint and I would be very weary.  Right now I draw tremendous strength from my HOPE in my Lord.

For 5 months I have been developing a relational foundation in Uptown.  I love my community and am honored to be getting to know wonderful people.

Reluctantly (for fear of getting caught up in "programing" things) I have begun to spread the word about a "space" I can offer for people who wanted to have conversations about Jesus.  People who don't know Jesus, people who have lost touch with their faith in Jesus or people who are clinging to Jesus every day.

The first week - no one came.  Disappointing? Sure. But I had nothing to lose to come back again this week.  Offering "space" and conversation is not a big sacrifice. 

This morning 11 of us gathered with pastries and coffee and had a good hour and half conversation about Jesus.

As we went around and shared our initial thoughts about Jesus, it was clear that each of the 11 of us have come from different places and different experiences of Jesus.  It was a beautiful learning experience.  I LOVE to see how Christ has weaved himself through individual life journeys.  One guy talked about experiencing Jesus in a tornado in FL while in the penitentiary.  Another guy talked about associating Jesus with the cross and hearing that God is love - hoping that if God is a God of love, He would also be a God of forgiveness.

Our conversation after that was centered around the first 17 verses in the New Testament.  That's the genealogy of Jesus.  You might think I'm crazy to begin a weekly conversation time centered around the most boring passage in the New Testament, but it proved to be deeply thought provoking, and hopefully provided some freedom for all of us as we considered our own dysfunctional family trees!

If the skeletons in Jesus' family closet set the stage for the entire New Testament - then I hope we can find courage to shed some light on the skeletons in our family closets and allow the Holy Spirit to bring freedom and healing to the generations impacted by scandal, dysfunction, betrayal and all the other shameful things we typically try to hide in our families.

The reality is our family trees do look a LOT like Jesus'.  Prostitution, interratial/interreligious marriage, deception, betrayal, murder, scandal and shame.

I'm writing this note with a bit of awkwardness.  I had intended not to talk about this "conversations about Jesus" because I don't want to glamorize an "event".  However, after this morning - after hearing how God is working in the lives of the precious people in this community - I'm not sure it's not my pride that's holding me back.

Caution is a good thing - and I thank God for the last 5 months of patient relationship building.  But if I allow caution to keep me from stepping out and offering something as simple as "space" that can encourage the very soul fiber of the men and women in this community - I'm a thief.  I'm also not using my leadership to help raise up a community that pastors itself!  THAT is a KEY goal - to see those in this community who follow Jesus to take on the mission of Jesus in this community.  I cannot do that by playing cards alone.  there must be some intentionality.

I loved one of the first questions right after we sat down that one man asked; "So Sher, what are we doing here? Are we trying to START something?" I believe there might be a group in this community ready to see God move in a way they have not seen.  I told him that God is free to start something, and we will follow His lead in this community in whatever expression He guides us in!

It's an exciting day in my life.  I know whatever we're on the brink of isn't guaranteed to be "successful" or easy.... but today I met with some men and women who are experiencing God working in their hearts and lives.  So today I am celebrating THAT!!

And with humble caution, we will continue to step forward and pray to be vessels of Jesus to this community!

The 6 P’s of Uptown Bethesda
(adapted from Untamed by Deb and Alan Hirsch and influenced by my experiences)

Passion:
Literally, suffering. 

This it he P we avoid the most I bet.  Who wants to suffer in order to communicate God’s love with people?  Seriously… do you want to?  I don’t.  But to practice Passion is to choose to.  To choose to die.  Sound familiar?  Yeah, it’s what Jesus did and has called us to do if we claim to be His followers in Luke 9:

 23-24Then he told them what they could expect for themselves: "Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat—I am. Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.

Passion is entering into the suffering of the community.  For some it is allowing their children to be submitted to the same pathetic school systems as their neighbors.  For others it is literally losing loved ones to repercussions of living in dangerous neighborhoods.  For others it’s loving someone so much that their suffering becomes yours.  It is always taking the opportunities to sacrifice for those we love.

I don’t feel like I have experienced much suffering yet in Uptown, but  can say that I am beginning to.  I experience the Passion of my community when I’m sitting in my living room and hear shots ring out.  I am entering into the suffering of the neighborhood when I wrestle with fear for my physical safety and the safety of those I love.  I connect to the pain of the community when I face the reality that many friend and family will never come see me – never visit for dinner or stay for a weekend because of the violent history of my neighborhood.

That’s not a lot of suffering – but it is, indeed the beginning.

Proclamation:
Last but actually most important is the sharing of the good news of Jesus’ love and reconciliation.  Paul tells us that we are ambassadors of Jesus given the task of reconciling people to God.  Through us, God has chosen to bring people back to Himself.  We are agents of reconciliation in a world very far from God.

I have 2 very strong beliefs about Proclamation that seem to counter each other:

1.       Non-verbal Proclamation is continually happening as we make choices in Prevenience, Proximity, Presence, Powerlessness and Passion.
2.       Verbal Proclamation is fruited (a natural byproduct) when we establish lives of Prevenience, Proximity, Presence, Powerlessness and Passion.

One main opportunity that I’ve had to Proclaim the good news of Jesus has happened with a woman I met at one of the meals I attend.  After learning she had cancer and would have surgery soon, I also discerned she was headed into this alone, so I offered to join her on surgery day which then solidified a friendship that allowed me the opportunity to visit her in rehab and even throw her an 80th birthday party at the nursing home she was recovering in.  The fruit of Proclamation happened at the end of one of my visits when this woman said “Sher, why did God send you to me?!” I turned the question back on her and her answer was sober and tearful; “I had been very angry at God and I think you are helping me back to Him!”  THAT is the Good News of Jesus that I came to Uptown to PROCLAIM!  I did not need to tell this woman that God wanted her – I showed her.

In the words of my mentor Eric; “Boo yah!”

A short explanation of my order with examples of why these P’s must work together:

To live incarnationaly – we must first seek to join God where He is working.  We must acknowledge that He has been at work in this world since it’s inception and we are not agents sent out from Him – but rather agents sent to where He is to join in as added vessels.  Before we attempt Proximity – we must have a foundation that acknowledges the Provenient grace of God.

In order to truly be Present in the lives of those to whom we are sent, we must be in proximity.  Presence is shallow and unaccountable without Proximity.

Once we have moved into the neighborhood, established routines in the community where we seek to be present, then the opportunities for powerlessness present themselves more clearly.  Sometimes Proximity requires Powerlessness and in that way the two may work in tandem.

Passion is often a result of Powerlessness.  So often, we in the West have constructed cocoons around ourselves to protect us from pain and suffering.  That is the suburban mantra, no?  Once we clinch our teeth and give up our Power, we are then targets; able to share in the Passion of the community.

I like my order, but I most firmly hold to the idea that Proclamation is the fruit of Provenience, Proximity, Presence, Powerlessness and Passion.  It is possible that I’m wrong, but I am leaning these days towards believing that if Proclamation is not birthed by the Holy Spirit it is filthy rags to Jesus.


The 6 P’s of Uptown Bethesda
(adapted from Untamed by Deb and Alan Hirsch and influenced by my experiences)

Presence:
Being Present in any relationship is difficult.  Presence is possibly one of the key practices most ministers flake out on.  It is easy to “do” ministry – but Presence requires you to “be”.  Deb and Alan talk about Presence as really getting to know the people you are living amongst – their practices, culture, history etc.  I would like to suggest a further degree that no doubt has been shaped by Henri Nouwen’s writings.

Choosing to be Present in your community means choosing to keep from putting up walls.  Presence  demands vulnerability and authenticity.  You cannot truly connect with a mentally altered individual who has been the victim of sexual abuse since they could walk without choosing to be Present.  The healing power of Jesus in engaged when we choose to be Present in the very sufferings of those we are living with – refusing to keep our “pastoral” composure; rather weeping with or standing firm in loving truth when lies are exploding in every sentence a person is speaking.

I like to think of Presence as keeping our eyes fully open in our relationships; refusing to break eye contact, no matter how painful and horrendous it gets.

It is difficult to explain the practical application of Presence in Uptown.  I wonder if I struggle because it isn’t really something we do – but something we choose to be.  Regardless, there are ways to push ourselves into opportunities to choose to be present.  And, as Deb and Alan suggest – getting to know your community is it.  I cannot tell you how many stories of child abuse I have heard from adult men and women suffering from mental illness.  Receiving these stories in the moment is choosing Presence.  Staying by Gidget’s side as she curses God in the middle of a church service because of the loss of those she loved and the abuse she experienced through her life – is choosing to be Present.

Warning – Presence results in the sharing of pain.  Praise God.

Powerlessness:
I still do not have a clear understanding of how much power I have as a single, white, master degree holding ,American woman.  But moving to Uptown has helped me see it a little more.  I have no concern that the cops would ever consider questioning me for any of the many crimes that take place in my neighborhood, so I freely walk the streets and investigate crime scenes once the cops are on site.  I even think my personality and communication skills give me considerable power in this community.

Powerlessness is choosing to give up that power for the sake of the community.  I love how Deb and Alan say it; “The great challenge for us is to recognize that to be weak, needy, and even powerless is part of the human condition, not something to be abhorred.  When we give up our sense of power and control, we can truly become human in a way that conforms to the image of Christ.”  The reality is, all the power we feel and experience is fragile if not fabricated for our own mental well being.  The beauty of choosing powerlessness is that we can identify with those who have not made the choice but were born, raise or thrust into positions of powerlessness.  By submitting ourselves, we are able to bring the Gospel in such a pure way.  Why do I say pure?

Philipians 2:5-8 explains it.
5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:  
6Who, being in very nature[a] God,       did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,  
7but made himself nothing,       taking the very nature[b] of a servant,       being made in human likeness.  
8And being found in appearance as a man,       he humbled himself       and became obedient to death—          even death on a cross!

Powerlessness is the decision Jesus made by becoming human, and it is necessary for us to live lives and incarnation ministers in our communities.

I have much to learn about what it means to give up power in Uptown, but one experience I have had has made me realize that I like my power a lot more than I thought.  The first time I stood in line for a meal at a soup kitchen, I was overwhelmed with shame.  It was like the Jr. High lunch room, only a whole lot worse.  I did not need to be there.  I had “good food” at home that I much preferred to this free stuff.  The men in front of me and behind me were strangers, and this didn’t seem like the place to start a new friendship, not to mention dozens of eyes were looking at me, some knowing who I was others wondering how exactly I found myself in this line with them.  It was humiliating.  But that plate of food that I received allowed me to sit at a table with some of the most wonderful men and women in our country.  That is why, week after week, I eat meals in these soup kitchens.  Sitting at the dinner table is always an experience in community, and by making a choice to pull up a chair, I am attempting to awaken some identity back to the powerless of Uptown.

The 6 P’s of Uptown Bethesda
(adapted from Untamed by Deb and Alan Hirsch and influenced by my experiences)

Prevenience:
My Wesleyan will appreciate this quote from Untamed about the way God has infused all soil before we ever arrive on the scene: “John Wesley called this reality ‘prevenient grace’, and he built his entire ministry squarely on it! He really believed God was always preparing the way for the preaching of the gospel, that he was at work in every person, wooing them into relationship in and through Jesus.”

God has been at work in Uptown from day 1.  Before even packing my bags in Naperville, I determined to spend the first few weeks getting to know those who were working in the community.  Some of my closest friends in the neighborhood are Unitarians and I believe, although they do not hold to the same critical doctrine I do, that they have been instruments of God’s love and compassion in this community.  I strongly admire their commitment to the poor and marginalized of Uptown and refuse to NOT learn from them.

I have also made friends at Uptown Baptist Church as well as associated with Emmaus Ministries – an agency dedicated to helping bring freedom and stability to men in prostitution.  Jesus People USA (JPUSA) live half a block from my house and I have thoroughly enjoyed worshiping with them on Sundays.

Although I have not made connections everywhere (the truth is, “networking” is very difficult for me) I desire to carry in my very physical demeanor the reality that I am not the first on the scene and I am wisest to be fully aware of my naivety of the many people God has planted in this neighborhood past and present.

Proximity:
For me, Proximity required a geographical move.  However, I can easily admit that the last place I lived, I was not living in Proximity with anyone but the other 2 people in the house.  I not only did not know my neighbors, but I avoided them.  Proximity is slightly more than a geographical decision.  Proximity is geographical intentionality – therefore, visiting the same cafés and restraints, establishing the same commute, joining a club or community group – are all examples of Proximity.

I have a lot of room to grow in all of these P’s – but the biggest hurdle for me in Proximity has been to move into Uptown.  For over six months I was visiting Uptown once a week and “investing” in a community at a local shelter.  I am now in the neighborhood – no “escape car” parked in the lot outside.  I walk home when I’m done playing UNO with Pete and Verna.

Since moving here I have established a consistent presence by sharing meals at the local “soup kitchens”.  Monday night meals are my favorites as I have nearly 3 rounds of dinner to join my friends in!  I also get to see many that I don’t otherwise see.  There’s a coffee shop that I routinely visit too.  I’m not feeling like I’m making too much of an impact there – something tells me these are the real cool kids of Uptown, but I am determined to be consistent and hope to have opportunities arise eventually!

I have also fought to get to know my neighbors.  I moved here primarily because of the high concentration of marginalized people here, but if I shut my door to my neighbors, I would be compartmentalizing my life and calling as a Christ-follower.  So I keep my doors open.  I have developed awesome friendships with several neighbors that I am grateful for – especially as the winter months approach!  I have been loved on more by my neighbors than I have had the opportunity to love on them!  I am convinced that living a generous life pays back in multiples when we give without thought!